Once upon a time there was a church.

Once upon a time there was a church. It was only a little church, but they loved the Lord. The pastor preached on subjects such as repentance, commitment and holiness. It didn't bother him that the offerings were small and the seats not filled, because the Bible says: "STRAIT IS THE GATE AND NARROW IS THE WAY WHICH LEADETH UNTO LIFE, AND FEW THERE BE THAT FIND IT" Matthew 7:14

One day there were some visitors... After the service, one of them went to the pastor. "Listen pastor, the sermon was great, but.. well.. those hymns are so old fashioned. If you want to attract more people to your church you have to make the music more appealing, more modern and up-to-date." He continued -"No-one wants to hear 'Blessed Assurance' anymore, and as for 'I Surrender All', you don't want to frighten people off, do you?" The pastor thought about it, and even though he wasn't entirely sure, he changed to more upbeat music…

A few weeks later there were other visitors. They enjoyed the service, but were a little uncomfortable with the message. They spoke to the pastor afterward and suggested nicely that the topics he preached on could be a little negative, a bit depressing (especially that one on persecution for Jesus' sake), and that one on dying to self. Well, it really was a bit morbid, wasn't it? Maybe he could preach something a bit more.. uplifting.. they said and lent him some tapes by a well-known televangelist. "I'm sure this is the right thing to preach" they said." They have SO MANY people come to their meetings (and you have so few), and God just pours finances into their ministries, so they must be right, and one has a church of ten thousand people…"

Some of the newer members of the congregation enjoyed the new preaching and the new music was much more to their liking, but they still had something to say - "Listen pastor, the sermon was good, and we loved the music, but can you please try a newer version of the Bible? All the 'thees' and 'thous' are hard to follow, and who knows what 'propitiation' means anyway?"

The pastor thought about it, and decided it couldn't hurt to try it out. After all, a Bible, is a Bible, is a Bible, isn't it?

They started being much friendlier with the newer Christians who were starting to come in. They didn't want to judge poor John Smith who was still living with his girlfriend (for whom he had left his wife), or Jane Brown who still smoked, or even Billy who hadn't left his homosexual lifestyle - because they had 'made a commitment'. They had said a 'Sinner's Prayer' at one of the meetings, and besides which Romans 8:1 says 'there is no condemnation'.

The preacher was perplexed. Something was bothering him. He took out his King James Bible and looked up Romans 8:1 - "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus WHO WALK NOT AFTER THE FLESH BUT AFTER THE SPIRIT" and... Mathew 8:13 "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners UNTO REPENTANCE!"

He was concerned and discussed this with his elders, but they assured him that his preaching was just right and surely he didn't want to be considered legalistic or a fanatic? …It was also high time that they appointed some female elders... And we really should give Billy a position - maybe with the youth. You don't want to be thought of as narrow-minded, do you? We have to move with the times.

Soon the church was full to overflowing. The messages were positive and the music was modern… A bigger car park was now needed, so a decision was made to cut back on mission giving again, and the last two missionaries were no longer funded - (But who has ever heard of Bolivia, and since there is only one Christian per three million people, they are OBVIOUSLY all heathens and would have no need of one anyway).

The new Youth Group leaders appointed by the committee were wonderfully accepted. Their body piercings and coloured hair made them very culturally relevant among the teenagers. The male leader had an earring and long hair, and the female had a purple crewcut and wore miniskirts. When the pastor questioned this with the committee, he was told:

"That was Old Testament. God has moved on".

"This is the nineties".

"God isn't worried about the outside, He sees the heart".

"You don't want to be considered narrow-minded, do you?"

The new Youth Leaders installed drums and a sound system, disco lighting and a smoke machine (that's what youth want... isn't it?) Teenagers were soon pouring in.

The preacher looked around at his congregation. There were women who looked like men, men who looked like women, and a few who could definitely be either. There was hair of many shades and colours including blue and green,. Several were talking on mobile phones and one was sound asleep. There were Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims and New Agers- no-one was uncomfortable here anymore.

After a rousing Christian song - put to the tune of a currently popular rock song, the preacher took the pulpit. With tears in his eyes he opened the meeting in prayer. He prayed and asked God to forgive him for pleasing others and not his Heavenly Father, and then preached on holiness, repentance, commitment, and finished - "take up your cross and follow me".

The congregation sat silent, dumbfounded. They quietly filed out after the service (those that had not walked out already). The following days, the Superintendent received many calls about the preacher. They said he was judgmental, fanatical, legalistic, unteachable, narrow-minded, behind-the-times and culturally irrelevant.

The Superintendent agreed that something must be done. The preacher was sent to the mission field - to Bolivia. Several months later a revival broke out there, but the church was unaware of it, as they no longer had a Missions Board, and the Notice Board was too full of ‘relevant information' to squeeze anything else onto it.

The Superintendent appointed a new pastor. Everybody was thrilled with her. The first thing she did was to change the name of the church, as too many religious connotations attached to words like 'church'; and then she removed the name of Jesus so as not to offend Buddhists or Muslims - who are just trying to get to God their own way. We don't want them to think that we are the only ones with the truth... do we? But it must have been the right decision, as it is now the most popular church... er, community faith centre ... in the town. And numbers are everything... right? It could be a fairy tale... except that all of these events have happened in various places… or are happening NOW.